It's that time. Time to say farewell to 2017.
This year has been such a rollercoaster that I will attempt to keep this as short as possible...I doubt that will happen though.
More than anything, I want to thank the events of this year, even the worst ones, because I truly believe that they have made me grow and become a better person. I'm still not perfect, but no one ever is, and I still have flaws I know I need to work on but that will happen.
At the start of this year I was in hospital, so being able to sit here and write this post is a huge accomplishment for me and something I am grateful for.
After being in hospital I admitted that I wasn't getting any better and took advice and the big leap to start therapy. It was terrifying and meant I needed to bring up many ghosts from my past, but it was one of the best things I have done and something I would definitely consider re-visiting as or when I need to. I let stubborness and fear get in the way for far too long and let it control too many years of my life.
I have had some great achievements, an award from the CEO of Solent Mind, attending many Solent Mind volunteering roles and using art as a form to keep my mind at peace, something I had stopped doing for a very long time.
My love has grown for much more. For Music, activities, friends, family and, of course, Mitchell.
I have reduced how much I drink a considerable amount. Sometimes I still have set backs, but I am aware of how far I have come and that I am not putting myself in to the awful situations I previously had been.
On January 1st I will be taking on the challenge of R.U.N January. Despite it being named run every day January, the idea is to beat the blues through any form of activity, be it walking, yoga, running, swimming, etc. It's a way of looking after yourself both mentally and physically as well as raising money and awareness for mental health - the main charity being Mind, but of course I am raising money for Solent Mind.
If you would like to support me and donate please click on the image below.
So, as i sit here on New Years Eve, feeling poorly but maybe okay enough to head out and say hello to some people, I am grateful. I am grateful for so much!
For my (more often than not, dodgy) health.
For the roof over my head - despite things constantly breaking.
For access to basic things, water, a toilet, a hot shower or bath, clothing, food.
For a job I enjoy - as stressful as it may get.
For my little furball, Kiki, even if I do threaten to give her up for adoption on a daily basis.
For my (broken, yet still functional) mind which from time-to-time surprises me and allows me to be creative when I need some self-medicating.
For friends who have opened my eyes to so many different things, who have stood by me through thick and thin, who have laughed with me (or at me), cried with me, been there when I didn't even ask them to be.
To my family who are constant heroes and inspirations. I don't feel as though I show them how much they are loved and appreciated quite enough, and for that I am sorry, but know that you are everything to me and I am forever grateful for everything you do.
My other family, who not only have been supportive, loving and in general, amazing, but who also raised the most loving, gorgeous and fantastic person to roam this planet.
Mitchell. No words will ever describe how grateful I am for you. To still stand by my side despite the heartache and pain I have put you through is truly astonishing, but it reminds me of how much you must really love me. I never believed I could be this happy or that I would find someone who I could call my soul mate, but, here you are. I am sorry for everything I have put you through throughout the year, but thank you for never giving up and never leaving my side, although at times I know you have wanted to. You mean the absolute world to me and when I wake up to see your face, I am forever grateful.
I can sit here and state that 2017 has been an awful year. It hasn't, it's been a year and one where I have let the negative outweigh the positive. All things considered, I have done well and I am still here to tell the tale. So it's not farewell to a terrible year, it's just closing yet another chapter and looking forward to starting a new one.