Updated: Nov 22, 2019
I have finally returned and have SO much I want to write about, but for now this will simply be a quick(ish) update.
After finishing my MSc in September (just) - which I passed by the way *insert smug face* - I decided to take a step back from writing about, thinking about, and working on things related to mental health. This was due to the fact that the work I was doing for my final project revolved around this and after hours, days, weeks, and months of reading endless facts and statistics I became increasingly disheartened and it started to take it's toll.
My own mental health and wellbeing also suffered as a result of my studies and I completely burnt myself out, I even got shingles just after my hand in...thanks body!
I spent a good few weeks in bed in that limbo of thinking, "what the hell do I do now?", then applying for jobs but not being successful, and just generally feeling very low and lost.
So, my blog was kind of just left for a while until I felt ready to get back in to it, which is now.
As you may notice, this is now a newer version. I still have my old posts available on my site, but I wanted to freshen things up a little, especially as I feel I'm about to embark on a new chapter in my life so figured now would be the best time to start afresh with everything.
Now the little past update bit is out the way, here's an insight as to what is currently happening.
Today I am being discharged from CMHT. Am I worried about it? Hell yes I am. This year has been an odd one. I have received 3 new diagnosis', one being BPD/EUPD, but have actually thrived from receiving them. My mental health over the past few months has been the best it's been in a long time - aside from the odd moments here and there and a rather big relapse last weekend - BUT, I have come out of all of them faster and better than I normally would have, and that's all been thanks to having a diagnosis, learning new coping skills and being able to implement them.
If you want to read more about when I first got this diagnosis then click there - Borderline between what and what? Despite having all this new knowledge and understanding, I am still anxious about being discharged and worry about what will happen should I need such services again, but if anything it reminds me that I've already come this far and I can continue to move forward when I really put my mind to it. I also recently had an Occupational Health appointment, which was AMAZING, and they have cleared me as fit to work - more to come on that in a bit - so clearly I'm doing something right.
Speaking of anxiety, I start a new job in just over a week, ahhhhh!!! (Hence the Occ Health appointment).
I am returning to my favourite University, Solent, to be a Content Coordinator. Despite being ridiculously excited and just eager to get stuck in, I am also sick to my stomach with anxiety. I haven't been working as part of a big team, or really round other humans, since I left iTalk. Due to this my brain is doing it's fun old trick of, "What if no one likes you?", "What if you're terrible at the job and they realised they hired the wrong person?", "What if you make mistakes constantly?", "What if you embarrass yourself?"
Seriously, brain? Just stop now!
Despite the constant crappy thoughts, I am trying my best to focus on the positives. This is a new start and to be fair, it's a pretty full on role which I'm hoping I can excel in and really prove myself. I see this as a wonderful career move and look forward to seeing where it will lead me within the company. I will have a routine again. I can put in plans and schedules to look after my health, all parts of it. I won't have to spend money to commute, and although it's only a short walk from mine, it's still exercise that I rarely get from just sitting at home. I hope to make new friends and contacts, and be able to network more. I hope to attend events and gain more skills. The possibilities and positives are endless.
All in all, I'm bloody terrified but I am also super excited. I refuse to let the anxiety control me and instead will aim to use it as a motivational driving force. Here's to a fresh start and new horizons.
So there's your quick update in a (larger than I was hoping) nutshell.
I have some posts scheduled which I have been meaning to do for AGES, and I hope to be a lot more active on here from now on. I even have a VLOG to upload...whaaaaat?!
As always, please feel free to comment or contact me should you need to. I'm still most active on Instagram @redsilvermountains and please subscribe if you want to keep up-to-date with all my latest posts.